Psst! You! Yeah, you, the person reading this article. I come bearing ill news: You have been found out. You may as well emerge from your lair of self-aggrandizing Instagram pics and humblebraggart Facebook posts, because we all know the truth: You’re a total narcissist.
The good news is that you’re not alone. Thanks to social media and other wonderful options for self-promotion that a modern first world citizen has at their disposal, pretty much everyone is a narcissist these days. Your friends, your family, your co-workers, everyone. Hell, despite being an oft-pantsless Internet comedian with headbanger hair and a beard that looks like a fist that didn’t listen to medieval masturbation warnings, I myself am often unable to pass a mirror without checking out what to my eyes is “the goods,” but to everyone else is “Holy crap, the last awesome picture of this guy must have been taken when he was still a baby.”
So, now that the cat’s out of the bag and busy admiring itself, wouldn’t it be time to completely indulge in your full glory? Come, friend, lay off the puny apps and senseless self-shills — there’s a whole world of narcissist-aimed products out there, fully fitted for admiring the perfection that is you.