1. You have your entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?
2. Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.
3. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.
4. If you’re waiting for me to care, I hope you brought something to eat, ‘cause it’s gonna be a really long time.
5. Some day you’ll go far—and I really hope you stay there.
6. I’m trying my absolute hardest to see things from your perspective, but I just can’t get my head that far up my ass.
7. Sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid than open it and remove all doubt.
8. I’m not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one.
9. You only annoy me when you’re breathing, really.
10. Do yourself a favor and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself. Bad idea in your case.
11. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m guessing it’s hard to pronounce.
12. Do your parents even realize they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?