Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths suffer from toxic behavior that eventually destroys all the people that surround them—their partners, friends, and family.
Their strongest weapon is their manipulative behavior and the little games they play only to hurt others. They play with you and when they’ve consumed and drained you, they lay all the responsibility on you.
They make it seem like it’s none of their faults and the saddest part is that most people buy their shit. That’s what good actors they are and that’s why they keep doing it. There is always someone new and fresh they can put their evil spells on.
Although they sooner or later get caught in the web of their own lies, they find a way to get out and get a fresh start. They always find a way to ruin someone else’s life.
They sneak up on you, pretending to be everything you’ve been dreaming of, only to break you like a twig when they are done.
Although there are people who manipulate others who are neither narcissists, sociopaths nor psychopaths, there is a big difference: ordinary people usually can admit they were wrong when they hit a dead end and when there’s no other option than to own up to what they did. These manipulative a-holes, however, will never admit what they were doing and they will blame you instead.
These are manipulative moves they use to break you, destroy you and leave you in total silence:
1. The Proclamation
This is a long text where they ‘put their heart on their sleeve’. They will write ‘I’m sorry’ a million times. They will apologize for every little thing they have done to you and they will mean none of it. They are only doing this to keep you around. It’s their tactic to make sure you stick to them some more, so they can continue destroying you.
They will declare that they’ve had an epiphany and that they are changed. They will even trash themselves in disbelief wondering how they could have done something so horrible to you. The only thing that’s missing from this ‘epiphany’ is the evidence of their change which will, of course, never come.
He is making you believe in things that are not real. He is convincing you that you did or said some things that never happened. This is a tactic that makes you doubt yourself and your sanity. It makes you feel like you are meaningless and it takes away your self-respect and self-esteem. It turns you into his puppet. His words take away your ability to trust yourself and they make you trust him completely. That was his goal all along—to leave you helpless and to believe every word he says.
The best thing you can do to resist this brainwashing is to write things down as they happen. Retell what happened to you to your friends, so they can confirm that you are not insane, that those things really happened. You have to find a way to keep both your feet on the ground and not to lose your reality.
3. The flip
They will literally do anything to bring you back. This is not exactly a tactic that all narcissists use. This is more of a cowardly tactic. After you broke up, he will find excuses to talk to you or have any kind of contact with you because he secretly wishes you would forgive him. He secretly wishes that you realized you made a mistake and that you cannot live without him, that you want him back. He will try to pull off tactics by asking you if you called him or saying that he thought he saw you on the street the other day and you ignored him.
Projection is a tactic which they use to put the blame on someone else. They will convince you they are innocent goodies and that all the problems the two of you are having are coming from you. This is a defense mechanism they use to manipulate others.
Although a lot of people use this ‘putting the blame on someone else’ tactic, in the case of narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths, this is a serious psychological problem. They refuse to confront their shortcomings and their flaws, so they blame their victims in hurtful and cruel ways. They want to feel innocent and they want you to feel guilty and ashamed of something they did.
5. Pretending to care
This is a tactic where your abuser fakes concern for you by turning himself into a beautiful, most loving person on the face of the earth. They will shower you with attention and gifts. They will try to get close to you in the moments when you are in your most vulnerable place—when you put your guard down because you don’t have the strength to keep it up.
They will sneak up on you, pretending they want to help you, only to hide their true sneaky intentions.
6. Criticism and high goals
There are two kinds of criticism. There is a constructive one and destructive one. There are situations where you genuinely want to help someone by suggesting things they could work on a bit more to make them better, and there are situations where jealousy takes the better of you and you deliberately put someone down to hurt them and discourage them. Well, that’s what these people do. They will deliberately put you down only to make you feel like you are incapable and, in plain words, stupid.
Even when they put some goals for you and you manage to fulfill them, they will move those goals to make you feel less worthy and to clearly show you they are dissatisfied with you and that you managed to fail their trust once again. Their goals for you will change so fast and they don’t have to be related either. For example, if you have a great career and you are doing perfectly on your job, he will make you feel guilty that you haven’t become a millionaire yet.
7. Miss him
This is a tactic he will use when you leave him. He will play the emotional card. He will trick you into thinking about the past and the good times you had together—because you did at the beginning when he was everything a woman would ever want in her life. He will remind you of the sentimental moments you had together to hoover you back into the relationship. He will call you to tell you that he saw a girl that reminded him of you. He will tell you that he walked by the park where you went for a walk after your first date. He will tell you he watched a movie which was the first one you watched together and so on. These are all carefully considered situations he will put you in to break you and make you miss him.
8. Name calling
When they have nothing on you and when they don’t have a suitable comeback that will hurt
you enough, they will resort to name calling. This is how they are going to manipulate your emotions. This is how they are going to rob you of your self-respect and make you feel less than nothing. This is the way they are going to hurt you and your intelligence.
Also, if you say something that makes him feel threatened, he will target you as a person and put you down by insulting you with name calling instead of targeting your argument and trying to prove otherwise—like normal people do when they don’t agree with someone.
9. Hurtful jokes
These toxic people often save hurtful things they want to say to you for the times when you are among friends. What happens is that they hurt you deliberately and disguise it as a joke. This is perfect for them because they are perceived as innocent while putting you down and silencing you.
They act like predators. They are playing with their victims just before they devour them. You’ll know he isn’t joking because you will see that evil smirk on his face and that thrilling glow in his eyes.
The most important one is controlling. They like to be in charge and pull all the strings. They will cut you off from your friends and family because they will convince you that you don’t need anyone except themselves. They will take control of your finances and your free time. They will want to know what are you doing, why you are doing it and where. Every little detail will be in their hands, so they make sure you don’t run away.
These are just some of the manipulative moves these toxic people use to destroy you and make you their victims on whom they can feast.
One thing is the most important: It’s hard to get out from these relationships and whoever says it’s not has never experienced something like this. It’s highly important to never lose your reality. Even if he’s abusing you and you can’t do anything about it yet, never lose your reality. Although it might just be in your head, keep it there, keep it sane.
One day that reality will give you strength to get away and free yourself from his toxic grasp. One day you will regain the control over your life and leave. It won’t be pretty. You will be broken and destroyed, but you’ll finally get a chance to build your life from scratch. You will finally give yourself a chance to be happy again because let’s face it, you deserve it.